In a certain phase of the lives of most young women, marriage is a priority. While others are overly obsessed with settling down with their special ones, a lot more others only want to have a wedding. Marriage may not be such a thing for most young men. On the flip side, however, it’s such a big deal to women.
It would amaze you the kind of things many have done in the name of wanting to get wedded soon. Little do they forget that there’s life after a wedding. One has to live. They have to survive. One has to take care of bills. Life must, at least, be same or better than you both lived before marriage. It should not get worse instead.
Though it goes without saying that marriage means a lot to young women today, one has to be adequately prepared to enter it. Indeed, others have done everything just to wear a ring without even preparing. Many are in a hurry to marry when they have not discovered themselves yet; who they are and why they are here on Earth.
Several others are in haste even in the absence of a job to call their own. To them, marriage is their lifetime dream; a lifetime career. To them, their lives are worth nothing until they are married, thus, would desperately want to settle even when they can’t take care of their own selves. All they dream of is to have a so-called good marriage where they will be married off to some rich dude who will take care of them and their entire generation for the rest of their existence on Earth.
I’ve observed a couple of young women cope with all manner of abuses as long as the abuser has promised walking them down the aisle someday. Uncomfortable truth is, many of such are slaving just to wear a ring. While others are already playing wife roles when they are only “one of his numerous girlfriends”, a lot more are enduring all sorts of stress with the prayer that they will be mercifully married sooner or later. Things we will do for a ring!
Listen. Marriage is great but… it should not be your ultimate goal in this life. Have dreams and aspirations. Marriage should be one of your many dreams… not your ONLY dream! What’s the use of marriage to you when you can barely be responsible for your life!? After all, what’s marriage to you when you have no goals? Besides, marriage is supposed to be between two romantically attached people settling down to achieve a common goal. So… of what achievement may your marriage be when there are no goals and dreams in the first place? Just to bear children? Well… every woman… and man can, too.
Be an independently single woman. Strive to exploit every potential within you. Don’t marry with the intention of going to depend on an ATM of a man. Don’t marry assuming that being submissive means sitting idle at home as a yes man to a husband. Submission is not in any way synonymous to total dependence on a man. That’s where your abuse begins! If a man observes you can do nothing without him, your abuse is inevitable. After all, there’s no you without him. You can’t live without him. Literally!
A woman ought to support her man. She ought to run the affairs of a home even in his absence.
Being gainfully employed is a must for you if you want to be gainfully married. Find something profitable to do with your hands before you think about ‘adopting’ someone’s all-grown son. Get a vocation/career running before wearing a ring even comes to mind! You’re more than a baby-producing being. You can also be useful beyond the kitchen. You can dream and make them happen, too.
Find your purpose first. Marriage can always follow next. Don’t idle about in the name of “waiting to be married”. The last time a woman went idling about, the devil found work for her to do and ever since we have been laboring here instead of relaxing in the Garden of Eden! Haha.
Say “No” to idleness. You are made to be more than a marriage material… regardless of how many yards you’re. If all you can bring to the marriage table is just you, sorry to say but marriage is just beyond you!
Be ambitious. There’s nothing sexier than a single, ambitious woman. She dares every ambitious man. There’s nothing as challenging as a young, single woman who’s daringly pursuing her dreams.
Having a profitable career before marriage tells a lot about you. It says a lot about how responsible you are. It affirms that you are not one of those “marry-and-go-sit-home” wives who wholly depend on their husbands. What if he loses his job someday? In this unpredictable life, what if he’s declared redundant one day? What if..?
You can do better than just bearing children. You can dream, too. You can have ambitions, too. You can contribute your quota to building this nation, too. You have loads of dreams sitting inside you. Pursue them. Career first. Until you have ambitions, let marriage wait. You’re not ready yet.
I salute all single career women out there. You indeed are a challenge to us.
Kobina Ansah is a Ghanaian playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications (www.scribecommltd.com), an Accra-based writing firm.