“No one ever sets out to marry their enemy” is an Akan proverb that is always worth pondering over by unmarried folks. Otherwise speaking, some couples were great lovers until marriage made them great enemies. They were walking down the aisle with the expectation of a “happy-ever-after” future only to be disappointed in its outcome. At the end of the day, they may need to go their separate ways while they could/should have nipped that relationship in the bud.
I’ve always maintained that a relationship that ends before marriage [wedding] is always more relieving than one that ends after it. It’s always better to lose a man/woman before marriage than after marriage. Both have consequences but the latter is always more damning. It even becomes worse when there are children and a lot of properties have been jointly acquired. Best lovers now become best enemies!
In life, there are red flags. Red flags hint us on the dangers of the future. If you want to make an investment, for instance, there are some red flags that will signal you that you’re about to entrust your money into the hands of fraudsters. In the same vein, the red flags of every relationship can hint you on what the future holds.
If you are really serious about settling down with someone, you need to look out for red flags if there are any. When you’re driving and there’s a “DANGER AHEAD” flag, you either slow down or reverse. That’s how relationships ought to be like.
“He or she cheated. You accepted them back but you haven’t forgiven them!”
If your man or woman cheats, ideally you have let them go. If you don’t, you must be prepared to put that experience into the trash can of your life and pretend it never happened. Under no circumstance, should you pull it up in a conversation or use it as evidence to accuse them of something in future.
When you accept someone who has cheated back, you must be ready to forgive them wholly else the relationship thereafter will be running on the wheels of mistrust. At the slightest opportunity, you begin to suspect they’re preparing for their next cheating game. You become so suspicious at every call or text message of theirs. You spend your lifetime savings trying to track them. There’s no iota of trust when a relationship is drowning in mistrust!
No matter how much you spend on a wedding, an unforgiving heart is more expensive. It will cost you both dearly sooner or later. Cheating destroys relationships but not as much a heart that can’t forgive.
“You both agree on almost nothing!”
“Do two walk together, unless they have made an appointment[agreement]? — Amos 3:3
A fish can’t marry a dog because they speak different languages. When both marry, where are they going to make their home?
When two people decide to have a future together, it is because they agree on a lot of things. Of course, they may have their own differences but they share a lot of things in common. They may attend different churches but have common beliefs. They may belong to political parties with dissenting ideologies but they have a middle place where they always come to agreement.
One red flag that hints danger ahead in marriage is when a couple is ALMOST ALWAYS locked up in unresolvable disagreements and arguments… and these eventually create bad blood between them both. When a couple barely agrees on anything, the earlier they went their separate ways, the better.
Marriage is an agreement— an agreement for two people to disagree to agree. When two people are always in their own world when it comes to reaching an agreement, it obviously means both of them have two different personalities which can’t live under one roof in peace.
A couple may have their differences but when there’s always a disagreement, that’s a clear picture of how their marriage will be someday— chaotic. Marriage doesn’t diminish our differences. It makes them more conspicuous!
“A man/woman who has still not gotten over their ex!”
One hell of a relationship is when you are dating someone who has still not gotten over their past. They speak bitterly about these exes yet they keep on tracking their progress in life. They keep spiting them with their social media posts. Deep down in their hearts, they wish they were with them, not you.
If you find any traces of such indecision in your yet-to-be-spouse, flee. That is a red flag right there being shoved in your face. Don’t ignore!
Most infidelity cases in marriages are due to exes coming back into the lives of people who never got over them in the first place. When a man/woman is not strong-willed, they would let you go even on their wedding day when their ex comes knocking.
“A half-solved issue!”
Many issues come up during dating. Some of them are marriage-threatening while others are not. Interestingly, some or most of these issues are either half-solved or just swept under the carpet for time to solve.
Always know that a problem half-solved is a problem not solved and a problem not solved will keep coming back. If one is undecided about the other, for instance, get it wholly solved before marriage comes into the picture. If she verbally abused you once, make sure you find the roots of the problem and deal with it totally. If he maltreated you a few times, don’t just ignore. A problem not solved during the days of dating/courtship gets carried forward into marriage.
If it was cheating, be certain the cause has been resolved and never to repeat itself someday. Time won’t solve it. You need to. An issue not solved today grows to become one that can barely be solved tomorrow. Every problem in a relationship is like a cancer. Treat it while it is benign today. Tomorrow may be too late to.
“A relationship built on charm, not character”
We bless God for gifts. We praise Him for His talents. We thank Father Almighty for the good jobs, wealth and good looks He has endowed us with. However, if that’s the only reason we are attracted to people, that’s a big red flag right there.
If your woman will die for you today because of your charm, you should be afraid because that charm has an expiry date. You won’t look this handsome forever. Age will take a toll on you. Life’s pressures will strangle the exuberance out of you.
If a man is all crazy about you because of your backside, you ought to be worried. A day will come when you won’t look this attractive anymore. Charm fades with time but what becomes even more prominent is character.
You may lose your job but never your love for people. One accident may take away your beauty but never your passion. When life comes to steal what you have on the outside, those who have no regard for who you are on the inside will leave. When the party of your life closes, you may realize the one who vowed to stay with you till death did you both apart… couldn’t wait for death to show up.
The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, an Accra-based writing company (www.scribecommltd.com).