But I love him… why are we always fighting?

Relationships can be quite interesting, you know?

Let’s take a bird’s eye view of practically every relationship. But before I proceed, I feel the need to issue a disclaimer – your relationship just might happen to not be like that. It doesn’t mean Ayefro Inc is saying that your relationship is abnormal – I mean, how dare we? It just happens to be a trend that I’ve personally observed. So here goes…

Boy meets girl. Typically, but not necessarily, there’s a period of friendship between boy and girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl start dating. And for the first few days or weeks or, if you’re exceptionally graced, months, everything is hunky-dory.  You and your partner are perfect in the eyes of each other. No quarrels or disagreements. She bought that expensive Dior purse because it was one of a kind and she wasn’t sure she was going to find another one any time soon. He didn’t call you last night because he was exhausted from work and while you might have been upset if any other person had done that to you, you’re actually fussing over him because as far as you’re concerned, it’s his people who should give him a break.

However, eventually, the honeymoon phase is over. Certain things that never bothered you in the past very easily get you irked. You begin to have a number of petty quarrels often. Occasionally, the arguments that blow up into full-fledged fights that can last for days. And that’s when the mind games begin. Not that anybody is initiating it. Your mind seems to have a mind of its own (whatever that means) and you often wonder whether you took the right step by being in such a relationship.

Along the line in your relationship, these are some of the issues that are potential bones of contention.

Money

A majority of these arguments seem to be centred around money. As a matter of fact, research shows that money happens to be the hottest topic for relationship fights. And it’s understandable why it turns out like that – money is needed for pretty much everything. And for two people from different backgrounds who had different socialization, it’s very likely to have different habits as far as money is concerned – how to save or spend it, what exactly to spend on, insurance and/or investment options, acquisition of assets, etc.

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Pet peeves

Quite obviously, the little nettlesome things that used to be “cute” and pardonable begin to lose their charm – the overly strong deodorant, the way he chews when eating, the loud snort that accompanies his laughter – the list is endless. They’re usually quite petty in nature, but they annoy you all the same. And what’s worse, if these issues aren’t ironed out properly, they have the potential of expanding and becoming more worrisome.

pet peeve.jpg

Family and friends

Another matter that has the tendency to get messy is that concerning family and friends. Sometimes, they mean well. Sometimes. Not always. Some people can be a deliberate pain. But whether or not they mean well, they can just happen to get on your nerves. Along the line, on a number of occasions, one – or many of them – might cause a relationship fight between you and your significant other. And it usually doesn’t help matters when he still spends the same amount of time with them as he did when he was single.

family

Work

Though either of you (or even both of you) might be spending pretty much the same amount of time at work as you always have, things look different all of a sudden. The dramatic “you don’t make time for me”, the frustrating “why didn’t you pick my call” and the exasperated “I’m at work” exchanges become more often. Is it really because you aren’t making as much time as you used to? Well, while there’s the possibility that you were going to great lengths to have enough time to spend with each other, there is another equally likely – or even more likely – possibility that nothing has changed, really. You were just too much “in love” to notice it.

work 1

The Past

Remember how during the honeymoon phase, you were so cool about events from his past when he first confided in you about them. “Babe, it’s all in the past,” you’d said reassuringly. If you’re not careful – and trust me, you really need to be – what was supposed to remain in the past becomes ammunition against him on a regular basis. When he gets home thirty minutes later than usual, you suspect he’s gone back to his old habits. And his friendship with his ex which was never an issue in the past has become a regular bone of contention. If you’re at the other end, you’re not off the hook either. You promised to limit contact with your ex because you sensed your partner was disturbed about your friendship. But in recent times, those promises and assurances seem to have flown out the nearest window.

Of course, it goes without saying that these apply both ways – to males and females alike.

But here’s the great news about all the petty quarrels. It’s inevitable! And what’s more, wedding planning experts predict that when it’s time to put arrangements in place for the wedding, it’s almost definite that the number of quarrels will increase. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves – though you can read more about that in But I don’t want monkeys or How wedding planning can test your relationship. Possibly, we’ll revisit that topic in future.

So there’s no need to be all mopey and thinking that your love is fading out. Embrace the new stage with joy because you’re getting real with and gaining an understanding of each other. When it’s time for planning for the wedding and you’re fighting more, don’t fret! It’ll all form a part of your beautiful love story.

In the meantime, you can download the Ayefro Inc App and, together with your significant other, have a look at the services of a wide range of vendors so that you’ll have less to argue about when it’s time to plan.

Happy planning!

Team Ayefro.

 

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