If the movies we watch on TV are any indication, planning a wedding can be very frustrating. It gets even more exasperating when the groom and the bride want completely different things.
For instance, in the groom’s mind, the wedding should be quite simple, and manly.
“A simple wedding would do. Not too many people – two hundred maximum. After all, it’s the process that matters. Those who miss it can always see the pictures later on Facebook. It would cut the cost on so many things like food, tables, chairs and canopies. I know Tina would want to want to have a say so I’ll let her pick the colours, but no pink. Definitely not pink. It would also be cool to get trained monkeys to play in the band. I’ll call Mike”.
Meanwhile, our dear Tina is also making her own plans.
“This is the most important day of my life. All my friends must be there. And the choir. And the district choreography team. And my dentist. And Aunt Matilda (Point of information: Aunt Matilda is a nice lady who once gave her a ride to work). And my P-SICE group from 2012, in fact, the whole NUPS-G must come. Let me start my list. Ok I foresee about five hundred names from my side. Too much? Oh, what the heck – it’s my wedding. I think I can get Aunt Matilda to pull a few strings and get Joe Mettle to minister on the day. And I want five bridesmaids, all in pink. Pink all over. Oh, this is so great. I can’t wait to tell Frank. He’ll be so happy.”
And it’s when these plans are out in the open that the fireworks begin.
“Pink? Tina, really? And what’s with the long list. Your church can’t even accommodate five hundred people. Or you’ve forgotten that I also have guests eh?”
“That’s why we’ll be having at the conference center. And what’s wrong with pink?”
“Honey, in the abundance of colours, why would you decide to pick the one colour that’s so girly. At least get something more neutral. Monkeys in pink isn’t a good look”
“Yeah, the monkeys. What on earth were you thinking? Monkeys? Monkeys?”
“Whaaaat? It’s cool. Didn’t you see them in ‘Blended’?”
And it can go on, and on, and on, and on…
So, what next? When tempers rise like that, there is the tendency to start regretting decisions, in the heat of the moment. Now, you know in your heart of hearts that you don’t want to call off the wedding. But the frustration of the moment can start putting ideas in your head.
First, relax. Generally, it isn’t recommended that individuals make decisions when angry. This isn’t any different. The chances are that emotions of the moment would cloud your judgement. Put the wedding aside for the time being. Take a walk. Talk and laugh over something else. Release tension. Get up and pull your partner from his/her seat. Put on some good tunes and start dancing.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it. You have a wedding to plan yet you’re being told to dance like there’s nothing at stake. But, trust me, very little can be accomplished in a state of worry. Even if decisions are taken, there’s a high probability they wouldn’t be your best interest. By the time you finish dancing (or whatever you’re doing), you’ll be in a better state of mind to think clearly.
Now, you have to get back to your planning. I suggest you write a list of all the things you need to do or get for the wedding. Once you’ve listed them out, you can both go through them one at a time and see the ones you two can come to a consensus on. For instance, for wedding colours, if the groom wants blue and the bride wants pink, you can conclude on a blend of both colours.
You’re done with the previous step and there are some things you still haven’t concluded on? At this point it’s obvious that one party would have to compromise. So, you could divide the remaining items between yourselves. He gets the monkeys, you get the reception venue. Your P-SICE group of 2012 comes on condition that they do the choreography too. And before you know it, you’d have successfully made all the important decisions without killing each other.
There you go. Now don’t you feel silly for having all those arguments?
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